Hot spice!
It's been over a month since my last update, so prepared to get your face INFORMED RIGHT OFF.

I have been doing many things recently, and I am prepared to back that up with pictorial evidence.

First and foremost, I went to a Kotki Dwa gig and then to Flossie's house in Leeds. The Dwa rocked most parts of my body with their wonderful songs, and the party finished the rest off.


This is me chilling out on a sofa with some cats. Not actual cats. I wouldn't mind that either, though. Cats are fucking awesome.

After this, I went straight to Will's in Nottingham, wherein we lay in wait for Jack to exit the shower and then beat him about the shoulders with a string of sausages.


This is Jack post-battering, steeped in sausage-abuse confusion.

We went to see Mitchell & Webb live, who were freaking excellent. If you don't know who Mitchell & Webb are, SHAME ON YOU.

We then went a-drinking and ended up in some Wetherspoons. It was cheap and chavvy, which is the worst kind of cheap but the best kind of chavvy.

A week or so later, I returned to Nottingham for Jack Hussey's 21st birthday bash. It was a party of the old-skool, except minus the random hooking up and bedroom-utilising which was such a common feature of teenage parties. Where has that gone? I want it back. Come back, festival frottage.

I enclose a picture of me proudly holding aloft my prize* of the night - a Laura Hinson:


* by prize, I don't mean that we hooked up. She's Jack's ladyfriend. I merely mean that I thieved her for slavery purposes. The BEST purposes.


Since then I've been to Stoke-On-Trent to visit Will and Ed & Alice Needle.



Hot damn, I look a little bit like I take it arsewise in that one.

P.S. Will = cad 4 eva.

I recently got my white sash in kickboxing. This is not exciting. It may as well be a sparkling, pink sash with tassels on for all the respect it commands.

Otherwise, I've mostly been out drinking and stuff like that. You know, living.

Earlier on, two white horses pulling a white carriage cantered on past me. 'Oh ho!' thought I, 'a wedding!'. So I turned and smiled and waved. Then I saw the coffin.

I also played a game of chicken with an old woman with a zimmer frame earlier. I guess we technically both won, although I'd say her hip was the real loser.

Anyway, I'm going to some ball tomorrow, so I've just rented a tux. I feel like a 14-year old trying to look smart in it, but what the hell. I'll bust this up with a group picture tomorrow, hopefully.

What else has been going on? Uhh... oh, a tramp tried to drag me into a shady-lookin' alley last night. He came up asking for change, so I made to perform my usual Lucky Tramp Dip (whatever metal money is in my pocket at the time, they can have. It could be pennies, it could be pounds. ROLL UP, ROLL UP, COME TRAMP COME ALL). Then he started on about the security camera above us, saying 'come in here, man. The camera. They don't like me begging.' I figured that it's definitely a bad idea to go into a dark alley with somebody who, no doubt about it, wants your money. He started saying things like 'just five pounds. Or ten pounds maybe, you know, that'd be good'. I mean, full marks for guts and knowing what you want, but I'm not giving you a tenner, mate. So I dropped some change into his grasping fingers and fucked off.

Just in case you forgot, What Fresh Hell is This? is still up and going. We're updating almost semi-demi-regularly. Hooray!

I'm also getting a little bit fit (active type fit - I haven't had a facelift), playing squash, doing kickboxing, doing exercises. I'll snap out of it soon, though.

That's all I've got to say for the second, but I'm sure I'll remember more later.

Keep it real. Assuming it's already quite real. If it's not real at all, try to make it more so.